Getting 14 people away together sounds straightforward until you actually try to do it. The first challenge is usually finding a date everyone can manage, and then come all the preferences you never knew people had. One of our friends, Bob, would never book a holiday cottage where the beds have ends because he is tall and hates feeling constricted. Some people love a long soak in a bath, others want a powerful hot shower. Mug size matters more than you might imagine, as does the size and shape of the wine glasses. None of these things seems especially important on its own, but put 14 people together for a weekend and suddenly the small details start to matter.
The person doing the organising is usually the one carrying all of this in their head. The questions they ask us are often very revealing. Which is the best bedroom? Which is the quietest one, away from the main activity? Can our friends bring their dog? How close is the pub really? Is there enough space for all the cars to park off the road? Can all 14 of us genuinely sit around the dining table together? Are the logs included, and what about the gas for the barbecue? There is often one person trying to make sure everybody else is going to be happy before they have even arrived, and we have a great deal of sympathy for them.
Nobody wants the bad bedroom
Ian shows every group around when they arrive, and almost without fail everyone gathers in the kitchen for the quick tour. You can usually see that some of them are already itching to start exploring the rest of the Barn and, inevitably, to see the bedrooms. We have always felt that this part matters more than it might seem, because nobody wants to discover that they have drawn the short straw.
All seven bedrooms at the Long Barn have their own en-suite, and we have tried hard to make them feel equally comfortable and generous. Three have superking beds that can be split into singles, while the others have king-size beds. There may still be some discussion over who sleeps where, but nobody should feel that they have ended up with the room everyone else rejected. We think that makes a real difference to how a group settles in. If nobody feels short-changed at the beginning, everyone can get on with enjoying themselves.
Once people have unpacked, one of the nicest things is seeing the group stop behaving as a single unit. Some will head out for a long walk, while others stay behind with a book and another cup of coffee. A few might wander up to the pub, somebody else will start a table tennis match in the West Barn, and another group may disappear off to Helmsley or Whitby. Going away together does not mean everyone has to spend the whole weekend doing the same thing. Having plenty of choices, especially ones that do not involve everybody piling into cars, seems to help everyone relax.
Then there is the food
Food is another part of group weekends that can either become a pleasure or an unexpected source of administration. When we go away with friends, we tend to have a relaxed rota so that everyone plays some part in organising the meals. Keeping the first evening easy makes a big difference. Nobody wants to arrive after a long drive and discover that they are immediately responsible for producing dinner for 14.
We love an Aktar curry delivered ahead of a stay that can simply be heated up when everyone has arrived. Other groups bring something they have prepared in advance or arrange for one of our local caterers to deliver supper. Then there are the people who would describe themselves, quite happily, as feeders and are never happier than when they are in the kitchen cooking generously for everybody else. They are also sometimes the source of messages to us asking whether we happen to have any flour for a white sauce or a few extra lasagne sheets. Usually, we can help.
Over time, returning groups often develop their own food and weekend rituals. For many, one evening always involves the Moors Inn. Others book a catered dinner with Dan Graham, and one group loves his food so much that they now organise the dates of their stay around his availability. There are favourite walks that have to be repeated, familiar places everyone wants to revisit and trips to Whitby that somehow always end in fish and chips. For quite a few returning guests, cutting into the lemon drizzle cake in the welcome hamper also seems to have become part of arriving.
These little traditions are one of the things we enjoy most about welcoming groups back. The weekend stops being just a trip away and starts becoming part of the group’s shared history.
What returning guests have taught us
Over the years, returning guests have helped us understand that what matters most when a large group stays together is not really having more and more things to do. It is ease. There needs to be enough space for everyone to gather together without feeling crowded, but also somewhere to escape to when they want a little time apart. The kitchen needs to work when several people are trying to cook at once, everyone needs a comfortable bedroom, and there needs to be a table big enough for all 14 people to sit around together.
It is also the smaller practical things that stop a weekend becoming hard work. Somewhere for muddy boots, enough pans and serving dishes, plenty of mugs and glasses, logs ready for the fire and spaces where people can simply sit with a cup of tea. When all of those things work, people stop noticing the mechanics of the house quite so much and simply get on with being together. That is probably the greatest compliment returning guests give us when they describe the Long Barn as feeling like a rather special second home.
And then there is the organiser. We salute you. Getting 14 people into one place can involve spreadsheets, WhatsApp groups, endless date checking and an unexpected amount of diplomacy. There can even be a little competitive pressure when a group chooses a different place each year and it is your turn to find somewhere everyone will approve of. Some organisers even stay locally ahead of the main visit so that they can test walks, explore the area and make sure they have chosen well. We completely understand why.
We have written before about some of the mistakes to avoid when booking a large group stay and our five tips for organising a self-catering break. But perhaps the most useful thing we can say is that you do not have to work everything out on your own. Ask us. We have seen a lot of groups arrive, settle in, divide themselves between walks, pubs, kitchens, firesides and table tennis matches, then somehow all find their way back to the dining table at the same time.
And that, after all the organising, is the bit that matters.
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